Grieving Is Part Of Healing

I used to feel empty, lonely and basically dead inside.
To the world, I wear a mask showing a happy face. I was an expert on hiding my feelings and emotions from everyone around me. I fought with depression and emotions that people (including myself) didn't understood why I had.
The thing was, I struggled with losses I didn't knew I had. When I didn't know about the losses in life that I had experienced, I couldn't grieve them either.
When I look back, I can see that I have grieved many places inside of myself that had never known love.

I am talking about the loss of love for parts of me that never recieved the love i needed to feel safe, seen, heard, accepted, whole or enough. I am talking about different types of emotional neglect. Emotional neglect

The proper response to any loss is grief, but we can't grieve something that we don't feel worthy of in the first place.

If you experienced emotional neglect as a child, you may have turned inward and towards yourself.
Science has shown that children before 9 years old cannot see that their parent or caregiver may act wrongfully.
Instead the child develops shame as a survival strategy and believe something is wrong with them, which also forces them to change in order to feel right again. The belief of being wrong (shame) is planted in children in order for them to keep the attachment to their parent/caregiver. For a child to lose the attachment is life-threatening, which is why they turn on themselves.

Can you recognize if there are any parts inside or outside of you that has never experienced, felt or recieved love, care warmth or compassion?
It can be body parts, expressions, emotions, needs or basically anything. These places are often wrapped in shame, often hated and refused to be seen by you.
This is something you may have to process for a while in order to even be aware of, so please take it in your own time.

Have you find places that has never known love?
In order to heal, you may need to grieve these losses that you've experienced and also start practising treating these places with compassion and love.

Grieving, love and compassion is not always easy to handle on your own.
Are you looking for a peer to walk with you by your side?
To search for the losses you may not be aware of yet?
To be witnessed and held through your grieving period?

I am here for you!

Love,
Ella